I've been restless lately.
Small city boredom is starting to get to me. It's been almost a year since I've been living at home again and I miss having my own life back. I will myself to focus on a job search and saving money but then I get lazy or end up getting sick or what have you. It's just a small setback, yes, but let me tell you I've got some pretty serious self-inertia. Why else would I have stayed at a job I loathed for so many years before just getting fed up and quitting last year?
At my job I am surrounded by so many other people who are fed up with the call centre game and looking for their next step, not to mention the others looking to flee this dying city. There are people who still proudly call it home, but young people look around and realize that all that awaits them here, best case scenario, is a lifetime of menial, low-paying, low-security jobs. I had been thinking of going back to school but I don't know if I can afford it.
The bulk of my experience is call centre work. For anyone who thinks it's just sitting on your ass all the time and talking at the phone, they should do it for a year and see if they feel the same way. Being so sedentary (often enforced by your headset being tethered to your phone) has so many health drawbacks. You are a slave to metrics including talk time, quality scores, adherence to your break schedule. Your mind becomes fuzz from the constant repetition and your jaw aches by the end of the day. Call centres don't give job references either. I don't mean to completely demean call centre work, though: it does depend on the company most of the time. You could either be working for a sweatshop that manages to remain open due to lax labor laws and a government desperate for any type of "job creation" numbers, or you might end up in a place that may not promise the moon to get you in but works hard to cultivate as positive an atmosphere as they can. But either way it's not something people were meant to work in from 18-65.
I'm at a loss for what to do next, work wise. I have a degree but I worry my work experience being all call centre work cancels all that. I don't know what I'm qualified for. All I know is the kind of work that doesn't appeal to me. I get mentally exhausted dealing with the public. I'm not in great enough shape for labour work. I have vague ideas of things I'm interested in but don't feel confident that I'm one of those people that can survive doing what I'm passionate about or even what I'm curious about.
I've been considering altering my web footprint to cut down on all the redundant multiple blogs I keep. The thought has entered my head before but a post by Lenora LeNoire had me entertaining the notion again. I would like to be able to be publicly queer as myself on whatever official page I make. Yet I think it is important to keep this space here where I have some way to expose myself nakedly without a name or picture of myself to expose myself to anyone unless I actively share it with someone.
But in a way I'm practically waiting for myself to come out, or be outed. I can be cavalier about what I talk about on some social media and then still try to hide it from others. As much as I want to be open about who I am and as much as my confidence is growing about sharing this part of me, I fear being exposed against my will, maliciously.
And then what do I do?
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3 comments:
I feel for you about having worked in a call centre and still being in the closet. Sounds like you're waiting for your life to take off, but the only way that will happen is if you make it happen.
When you look at the skills you learned working at a call centre, look broadly, not at just the obvious. You were a customer service specialist, you were a product knowledge expert--that sort of thing. Every job teaches you skills transferrable elsewhere.
Stop putting restrictions and limitations in your path. So you think you're not in the best physical shape for labour work. So what? If that's what you want to do, pursue it. Don't hold yourself back.
Same with the other idea you have. Maybe you can't making a living at it now. Start somewhere. Pursue it as a personal interest. Start taking baby steps toward what you want. Get off your butt and make it happen.
And about coming out, do it. What are you waiting for? Be accountable for who you are and what you write on your blog. Take responsibility for what you want in life. Your frustration and defeatist attitude come across loud and clear in your writing. Fix that. Only you can do it.
Good luck. I'm pulling for you.
I agree with Rick up there. At some point you need to pick up the reins on your life and just do something before you analyze yourself to death.
I worked in a call centre once! It's a lot of thankless work, but you have plenty of transferable skills. Customer service, problem-solving, research, working under pressure... And if nothing else, it's not like Halifax doesn't have call centres. It was my first job when I moved there.
And from reading further down the blog, it's my opinion (of dubious worth as a straight woman), that Halifax is a good place to be gay, and Fredericton not so much.
When I was twenty one, I left Moncton to move to Montreal. I also felt the need to leave the small town attitude and search for freedom. I was OUT in Moncton and had a great circle of friends, but when I moved I lost touch with them. Years later I made contact with a few and now go back to see them at least four or five times a year.
I left Moncton with nothing: no money, no job, nothing. Now I am a manager at a government call centre with a six figure salary and am very happy. I have 400 employees who all earn between 48,000 to 60,000$ plus major benefits.
With your experience, I would suggest you apply for a position in a federal government call centre where the employees are treated as a valued asset; at least in my call centre they are.....
As for coming out: dude, your life is not forever. There will come a time when you will look back and ask, "WTF have I done?"
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