Back

I'm back on a few levels.  First of all, I'm back on my own computer after a month and a half making do with an iPod Touch.  I like it for Twitter and getting stuff on the go; not so much lengthy blog posts and e-mails (not completely comfortable with the touch keypad).  I haven't really kept up with anyone's blogs over the last little while despite having an RSS app, so I apologize if I regularly read and comment normally but haven't gotten around to doing so.  I have a lot of catching up to do.
I also came back from a weeklong vacation in Halifax.  This was the first time in a while I had a chance to go somewhere for more than a weekend or a handful of days, and I really needed this break from small town life and family.   As fun as New York sounded, I made the right decision not to go with my sisters.

I love Halifax.  It's a beautiful city with enough going on culturally and socially for my tastes, but it's not quite as intimidating as the thought of moving to one of the big 3 (Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver) would be.  I have friends down there.  I actually had a somewhat busier social life there than I normally do when I'm at home.

It was nice to seem some more visibly queer people around too...my gaydar was going off like crazy.  Mainly for the lesbians/transmen but I spotted so much more than I normally had and it signaled that this is a place I can finally be myself.  I also had the opportunity to hang out with a few people who knew I was gay and I could talk about this with.  I actually felt a little emotional when I started to process what I was actually doing over coffee and beer, sharing stories and being introduced to strangers as gay.

I hit up Menz Bar on the weekend and while I got hit on by yet another old guy (seriously, I'm an old man magnet) it was nice to see all these other gay men around, even if I was a little too shy to really chat any of them up.  I kind of consciously avoided hooking up with someone though, just because I actually was staying at a friend's house and had to leave for home the next morning.

I had a couple of takeaways from the whole trip.  I'm starting to really get more open about who I am these days to co-workers and friends, even if I'm not out to my parents and not ready to be.  I think I've posted before about I'm starting to get a little more swishy/effeminate with my mannerisms when I talk.  I don't know if it's conscious affectation or just me being comfortable enough to be less terse when I speak with someone.  I know I have to stop hiding it.

I'm more out of my shell in general these days although sometimes I do still have days where my desire to be social and the availability of people to talk to sometimes don't match up (in both senses).  It felt good to be able to go out with people over coffee and beer.  I'm trying to chase that feeling back at home although sometimes my work schedule and my friends' availability doesn't match up.

I know I'm going to move to Halifax.  My main goal for the next little while is to look for employment down there and try to save a little money for an apartment down there.